Melton Thornaby

BacchusMelton Thornaby once told a reporter from the Italian magazine Al Volante that “fine wine is like a woman’s genitalia – succulent, mysterious and only unavailable to those who can afford it.” Why he gave an Italian car magazine a quote about wine is a mystery to this day, but this enigmatic and deeply sexist little simile somehow managed to propel him to minor fame as a wine writer  Visit Melton’s Blog

Melton meticulously updates his wine blog about twice a year and spends the rest of the time attempting to blag his way into wine tastings or in trying to empty the contents of the wine cellar at Hogg Hall.

During his long and disagreeable life, Melton has unearthed more than one way to irreparably damage his health. In 2008, in collaboration with a young filmmaker called James Cudd, Melton produced, presented and appeared in a 240 minute documentary called “No Smoke Without Cigars.”

He traveled across Cuba, interviewing various well-known personalities in the region, all of whom had varying degrees of self-inflicted lung disease. The film premiered at the Havana Film Festival in December 2009, but nobody could see it because there was too much cigar smoke in the cinema. During this project Melton smoked around 1,500 cigars, severely damaging one of his lungs and completely destroying the other.

Melton hates Italians. It all stems from a bad experience he had with a raven haired grape picker in Northern Tuscany. He’d fallen head over heels in love with the woman and the pair had enjoyed a short but passionate affair. Melton returned to England and six weeks later he plucked up the courage to telephone her and propose marriage. To his surprise, she told him that the affair was over, and when he asked why, she explained that a month after he left she had found a condom inside her vagina. Melton desperately tried to explain that he had never used a condom in his life, but it was too late. He’d lost the love of his life forever.

 

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