Lord & Lady Angus Ingleby-Barwick

inglebyIngleby-Barwick was born with male and female genitals – both organs furiously competing for attention in his underpants. His duel gender is a blessing of which he is immensely proud. After much thought he decided, at the age of 19, to err on the side of male, at least in public. This, despite the fact that he has legs like Ginger Rogers and a voice like Dame Maggie Smith, all be it with a Barnsley accent.

Angus was quite a famous inventor in his day and he was renowned for far more than just his Self Ventilating Top Hat ®, and his Expandable Rotating Corset ®.

In the sixties, when smoky basement jazz clubs were at their most popular, many customers would often complain that there wasn’t enough smoke in the club. Ingleby-Barwick therefore invented an Automatic Smoking Machine ®, which was used to pump copious amounts of cigarette smoke or cigar smoke into music venues. The device also became popular during the early days of the alternative comedy circuit.

Around the same time, he invented a Multipurpose Walking Stick ®, which could instantly transform into an umbrella, a flute, a hockey stick, a horse measuring device or a net for capturing butterflies. There was also a vibrating version with three speed settings.

Angus’s Mechanical Feline Brush ® won many awards. The device’s various arms, hooks, gears and rotating surfaces allowed one to brush a cat without being in the same room with the creature and it was extremely popular among people with cat allergies. The downside was that around 30% of the cats were killed during the grooming process and the contraption was finally taken out of the shops in the late seventies.

 

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