Nanny Alice

pramNanny Alice is no Mary Poppins and she loses babies all the time. Subsequently, not a single one of her glowing references are genuine. She once lost Princess Birgitta of Denmark in Tesco’s car park, and it took her three days to find Crown Prince Masako of Japan after she left his baby seat in the back of a minicab in Tottenham Court Road.

Alice has carelessly mislaid the heirs of barons, dukes, tsars and on one occasion the twin sons of a sultan. Most of the infants have turned up safe and sound but it has sometimes been necessary to do a midnight flit before mother checks the nursery in the morning.

Many male aristocrats have an unhealthy attraction towards nursery nurses and this is often because their first sexual experiences was with their own nanny. Nanny Alice is perfectly aware of this well trodden pattern of behaviour. She’s slept with almost all the fathers of her young charges, and with one or two of their mothers as well.

There are three things in the world that Nanny Alice hates. Lady Labia Antoinette, the movie “The Sound of Music”, and babies.

 

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